Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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