I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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