i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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