He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
