i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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