She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
