I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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