I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
