I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
