About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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