what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
