Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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