At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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