Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
