the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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