We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
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Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
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When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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