Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I wish you could order shots online.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize