There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
