I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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