I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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