the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're like the curious george of whores
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
