you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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