Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
