dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
