This girl is more easily done than said...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
