I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
