This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
