1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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