hotel room ftw
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
