I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
