She's JV to your varsity
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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