grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
