if only i could text you this smell
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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