dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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