A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We are two peas in an std pod
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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