I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
