it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
