Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
