3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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