I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
