k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
