oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
