she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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