So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
