matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
