You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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