just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
