If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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