This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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