trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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