i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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