What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
