She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
