She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
