So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
