Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hippo gnu deer
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
