If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
