My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
