What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
