it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
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Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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