tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize