sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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