I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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