I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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