I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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